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i am the alien who made the hit song Blue (Da Ba Dee)

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if you’re wondering who this is: ornstein and smough

@RussellsBarbershopQuartet This is a city that had penis shaped pavestones in the roads that pointed to the nearest brothel

@RussellsBarbershopQuartet when i was a teen i got in trouble with my teacher for knowing who priapus was

me watching the time get farther and farther past when i should be asleep

i kept crying out of frustration as i attempted to send a medical document to an office across town but it just wouldn't work no matter how upset i got, cause fax don't care about your feelings

scientists: probably no one died while jacking off in pompeii

the romans: this is Priapus. he's the god of having a huge fucking boner. he was originally Greek but we loved him so much we adopted him as our own

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idk who needs to hear this but you dont actually need to be the best at playing that video game you like. you can play it sub-optimally. you can even not finish it and still say you like it. you're free now

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scientists try to tell me "it's just an effect of the instant pyroclastic rigor mortis" as if that proves that they weren't jacking it. frankly I find the idea that literally no one was masturbating in a city of 10,000 people kinda far fetched. statistically at least one of them was wanking when they died

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if I ever hear "they died doing what they love" without any context, the thing my mind immediately jumps to is the guy who was jacking off at the exact moment Mt. Vesuvius destroyed Pompeii and who is now permanently fossilized mid-stroke

im streaming farming simulator 17 but it should be called bowel stimulator 2020

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@flowless2 look at all this unpaid volunteer work we're making our employees do so they can have an hr department and a break room, where's our tax break?!

taking a break from my stream to take a shit, this is self care

chévere, which means cool in many spanish speaking countries, apparently refers to a glizzy in guatemala

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monads.online

monads.online is a community for goth nerds, aka people who are interested in the intersections of math, art, programming, philosophy, and related topics. this does not include your techbro ass. we also enjoy a healthy amount of shitposting. if you are a techno-materialist, technocrat, or some flavor of capitalist, don't even bother applying. if you are interested in an account please fill out an application, detailing why you are interested in joining, what you have to bring to the community, and your prior, if any, accounts on the fediverse.