how is it that i can be in a decent and un-tense mood all day and one person can immediately make me tense and irritable and defensive? can you please just have normal conversations with me so i don’t associate you talking with me with feeling attacked?

like of course i’m going to be defensive and mean if every conversation i have with you is you coming at me in a way that comes across as a lecture or criticism. you never talk to me unless it’s to do one of these things and yes i’m a fucking human i start getting conditioned to respond a certain way

like this is honestly one of the most alienating things for my work constantly lately and has made me want to back out and stop being involved in things.

i don’t like interpersonal tension, and normally it’s not an issue for me. and if it crops up i can assess the other person and recalibrate my behavior to stop the friction from happening.

it makes me feel cruddy about myself cuz i feel like this person despises me and like i can’t do anything right