how is it that i can be in a decent and un-tense mood all day and one person can immediately make me tense and irritable and defensive? can you please just have normal conversations with me so i don’t associate you talking with me with feeling attacked?

like of course i’m going to be defensive and mean if every conversation i have with you is you coming at me in a way that comes across as a lecture or criticism. you never talk to me unless it’s to do one of these things and yes i’m a fucking human i start getting conditioned to respond a certain way

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like this is honestly one of the most alienating things for my work constantly lately and has made me want to back out and stop being involved in things.

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i don’t like interpersonal tension, and normally it’s not an issue for me. and if it crops up i can assess the other person and recalibrate my behavior to stop the friction from happening.

it makes me feel cruddy about myself cuz i feel like this person despises me and like i can’t do anything right

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in every area of my life i’m well received, i’m liked, i work as a mediary and handle difficult people and rein them in and get good behavior out of them. what the fuck am i doing so wrong here?

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@lids this toot explains why you should let it go

@John unfortunately it’s not that easy. i’m in an organization with this person and am expected to work with them and even approach them for guidance

@lids but i mean, you can't let it define you - everyone has their own standard and theirs isn't yours

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