If you listen to Mitski's Be The Cowboy album on repeat 3 times in one day you get put on a suicide watch by the government

My girlfriend: I've listened to the cowboy album like 3 times today
Me: very sexy of you to be that unhinged

100% if mulaney hadn't become a famous comedian he would be a Tumblr funnyman predating on underage girls for nudes

Thinking about different behavior raising chaos in Sonic effecting things but instead whatever music you play for your unborn child determines their morality.... Play them grimes or eminem and they are 100% evil.

Thinking about me and all my girl friends gaying out about all the hot women in Westworld

It's almost 10 years from my truest gay awakening AKA seeing Joan Jett live when I was 19

Me while people are laughing while telling me how their grandpa who was 30 harassed their grandma who was 13 until she started dating them

Me and Jimothy met when he put a gun to my lower back and told me to go on a date with him or he'd pull the trigger. We've been together for 20 years today 🥰

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Look I don't refuse to listen to stories of how straight couples met JUST because I'm a heterophobe, it's also because it always sounds like Stockholm syndrome.

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