food 

i’m very sexy and have my life together which is why i’m in my car on lunch eating a cold hot pocket that i microwaved at home this morning and packed in my fancy glass tupperware

if you use bitcoin to do your crimes, im sorry, but thats lame crime. thats nerd crime

i don’t! feel comfortable! i feel like if i say anything i’ll just get yelled at (metaphorically speaking) or told i’m wrong. how can i talk about my discomfort when the people who i’m expected to discuss my discomfort with make me feel like if i do i’ll be punished?

in every area of my life i’m well received, i’m liked, i work as a mediary and handle difficult people and rein them in and get good behavior out of them. what the fuck am i doing so wrong here?

Show thread

it makes me feel cruddy about myself cuz i feel like this person despises me and like i can’t do anything right

Show thread

i don’t like interpersonal tension, and normally it’s not an issue for me. and if it crops up i can assess the other person and recalibrate my behavior to stop the friction from happening.

Show thread

like this is honestly one of the most alienating things for my work constantly lately and has made me want to back out and stop being involved in things.

Show thread

like of course i’m going to be defensive and mean if every conversation i have with you is you coming at me in a way that comes across as a lecture or criticism. you never talk to me unless it’s to do one of these things and yes i’m a fucking human i start getting conditioned to respond a certain way

Show thread

how is it that i can be in a decent and un-tense mood all day and one person can immediately make me tense and irritable and defensive? can you please just have normal conversations with me so i don’t associate you talking with me with feeling attacked?

sometimes i think “i don’t have histrionic personality disorder.”

and then i examine how neurotic i am about needing attention and for everyone to like me.... hm...

me: don’t message them, they don’t want to be your friend and have zero appreciation for you
my shit brain: I NEED TO MESSAGE THEM THEY HAVE TO LIKE ME OR I WILL DIE

it would probably be more accurate to say people not liking me makes me feel neurotic, ever since i started acting like a neurotypical i’ve been very good at making people like me and now basically everyone does and now when someone doesn’t i feel absolutely insane

if you don’t love and cherish and appreciate me i will die

Show thread

boston accents are so fucking funny i thought this guy said “gotta get that shart on that shark” but he said shot

Show more
monads.online

monads.online is a community for goth nerds, aka people who are interested in the intersections of math, art, programming, philosophy, and related topics. this does not include your techbro ass. we also enjoy a healthy amount of shitposting. if you are a techno-materialist, technocrat, or some flavor of capitalist, don't even bother applying. if you are interested in an account please fill out an application, detailing why you are interested in joining, what you have to bring to the community, and your prior, if any, accounts on the fediverse.