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I understand. You found paradise in America, had a good fish, made a good living. The killer whales protected you; and there were courts of shore. And you didn't need a friend of me. But uh, now you come to me and you say -- "Don Sealeone give me justice." -- But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer tummy scratches. You don't even think to call me Rotundfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my equally adorable daughter is to be married, and you uh ask me to do sea-murder, for ocean-money.

yes I'm bitter about how much easier it is to get a referral now, of course I am. because they make it seem like i have to wait until there isn't anyone younger than me on the planet. i'm 26 and everything is falling apart, what the fuck do i have to do

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a consultation for a diagnosis i've been waiting on for twenty years or so has been pushed back another year because the service is being flooded with people younger than me who have been taught by uwu market queer culture to worship the dsm and the comfort of government approved Wellbeing-Labels, who only know how to communicate their feelings within the boundaries of therapy language and tiktok conflict deescalation tips. we live in a liberal hellscape

guys who have a tinder profile that can be summed up as 'i love my kid', why? i assumed you did

when guys ask my favourite film i say 'ah, you know' and just let them assume it's one of the correct ones

power move changing my name to 'shark semen' mid meeting

i will simply become an expert immediately

tiny christian kid alone at the computer for the first time quietly googling 'is gosh slang for god'

rating music with a system where one star is 'golly'' and five stars is 'golly gosh'

gonna buy a stadium on money im absolutely certain i'll have at some poiint just wait guys

babe for the sake of 'your new dog' this shelter better take bitcoin or we're gonna have to jet without it cos i got exactly 2 real dollars and some gum

Katarzyna boosted

Unlocked level of femme where I put makeup on to go to A&E ✌️😘💚

Katarzyna boosted

i am the one coyotes supporter who lives outside of america, let alone outside of arizona, and nhl tv is blocking the game for me because clearly 'my local sports network may be showing it' like that makes any sense whatsoever. like, bro, my 'local sports network' shows cycling and repeats of ancient x games

no i will not 'download the future today'

im telling you, it's always the big baby spirits that are like 'you cannot withstand my wrath', you know, it's always the little wimpy dead that are like 'i will not forget this'

i don't like that my natural train of thought just writes stand up

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'my local sports network' is considering showing british quiz shows and selling itself through its own ass to disney for a trillion crypto bucks. you think they can begin to fathom what 'ice' is

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'my local sports network' shows highlights from any of three random rallies in 2009. what makes you think they'll show a game happening right now

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'my local sports network' shows adverts for soccer games on other channels and networks. it doesn't even know what hockey is

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i am the one coyotes supporter who lives outside of america, let alone outside of arizona, and nhl tv is blocking the game for me because clearly 'my local sports network may be showing it' like that makes any sense whatsoever. like, bro, my 'local sports network' shows cycling and repeats of ancient x games

re: medical joke but it's also real 

they might be removing a third of one of my fingers before they remove my dick, like that is so funny to me

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