James Cheese @jamescheese@monads.online

try explaining "refrigerator potato chips" to a 16th century russian serf

my kid still says vampire like: "ham-pire" and i lose my shit every time

from now on all my posts will be in latin. they may look like english but i can assure you they're in latin. you understand latin now.

would be shameful if someone did something with all these ips that accessed my account last night 😌

monads moderator wrath month

birdopoly...

another ship is rent asunder upon my rocky shores

every day i get 400 unsolicited emails from vendors and every day a few more of them slip into weird entitled passive-aggressive "if i should be emailing someone else, please let me know!" nonsense

Not my wife, not my problem *blows vape cloud in your face*

im actually really nice and friendly

"So, how did you two meet?"
[They share a knowing look]
"So, it's kind of funny, we um..."
"We kinned the same people in college."

You walk past me with your supermodel girlfriend--you look me up and down, then snort at my slovenly appearance, chuckling at my propeller cap, plaid shorts, and mesh tank top. You reach for your phone, ready to snap a picture, but gasp when you hold up your screen and behold the image it contains: your beautiful girlfriend, cradled in my arms, suckling from my enormous pectoral muscle through the hole in my mesh shirt. She has chosen me. Move along, beta

marginally better than when they'd call black women "black bodies" ig