Things sure are simple for me, the prime actor in an objective, measurable, and provable reality.

Bring back the only kind of election I support, the ostrakismos. Every year hold a vote to banish someone for ten years.

Taking the big brain centrist position between dualism and monism. Exactly 1.5 things exist.

Getting knuckle tats that say FACTS and LOGIC (have to use my thumbs too) so I can destroy some internet fuckwits with facts and logic

You got me fucked up if you think I will ever closely examine my beliefs

Life Hack: kill your gods then fall into despair because you must now construct something to replace them

Plato is a fucking idiot because he failed to consider what if I just leave the cave and have true authentic experiences rather than watch shadow plays upon the wall

"interprandial pooper" - Shitpost by Hipponax of Ephesus, circa 6th century BCE

This influx of people from India makes me realize I'm not well read enough on Indian philosophers to properly dunk on them. Time to do some reading.

Look out Ramanuja, Diogenes is coming for you

Wow Leucippus, "perhaps things are made of other things." Startling insight. How long did it take you to think that one up?

Emulating the saints by climbing a streetlight and refusing to come down

"Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made."
-Kant, on why there is no straight pride parade.

Becoming a Max Stirner truther. Going all-in on the theory that he never existed and was created by Engels so the Young Hegelians would have someone to dunk on.

Jazz is a lot like philosophy, in that both are filled with pretentious jackasses who think obtuse is the same as smart. And also I hate them but cannot escape them because I guess I enjoy my anger.

Also because Giant Steps bops.

If I wasn't Diogenes, I would simpley also wish to be Diogenes

I don't believe in intellectual property except when I'm owning people online with my giant intellect

Marcus Aurelius you knob. Of course we were made to stay comfy under the blankets and sleep. It's called bring a mammal you twat.

Have decided that anything I don't like is a monad.

Loneliness? Monad.
Being tired? Monad.
Philosophy? Double monad.

Eponymous A.R.C.H.O.N. and the thesmothetai was the biggest rap group of 683 BCE

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