literally nothing has been a more useless concept for me in my personal life than the idea of self discipline

like if "just try harder, idiot" is advice that worked for you i am happy for you but my brain just does not work like that

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@dankwraith my issue, traditionally, is that I try too hard and just exhaust myself into the inability to do *anything*
that advice wouldn't just "not help" me, it would literally make me less productive

@dankwraith I think of "discipline" as anything that is useful in the intentional formation of a habit. If "try harder, idiot" doesn't work, then by (this) definition it's not discipline at all.

@dankwraith Like, setting up a super strict linter on a new project - that, to me, is discipline. I am not trying any harder to make my code pretty. The machine does the trying. I just do what it tells me to until I've internalized it.

@fool yeah i do not think you are wrong, in particular i think my problem is that i was raised by a calvinist disciplinarian who was obsessed with negative reinforcement so as soon as that external disciplinary structure was removed by adulthood all my good habits evaporated instantly and left me with nothing to base my behavior on. ironically when i read kant later in life he used this exact scenario as an example

@dankwraith It is necessary to decide for yourself that you want to care about the change in your behavior, for your own sake and for its own sake.

There's a pernicious tendency to conflate "discipline" with "obedience," and this mostly just entangles the emotions of guilt and resentment in with the already daunting idea of independence.

@dankwraith Like, at a certain point, it comes down to a single question: Did you do what you wanted to do? If no, why not? What prevented it? Was it situational or emotional? Can you do something about the impediment? Self-discipline means self-awareness, which ain't easy either.

I'm probably gonna keep posting about this if you keep encouraging me fyi

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