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The enemies-to-lovers novelette that close to 500 of you have read has just received (probably) its last revision!

Kiss With a Fist is now 12k words, and includes:

  • punching
  • restaurant workers
  • smoke breaks gone wild
  • role reversal
  • a couple of real dumbasses
  • tender aftercare
  • text message epistolary segments
  • engaging dialog and narrative voices
  • glasses

write.as/madsviande/kiss-with-

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guy comes in from an alleyway wiping blood from his mouth. "dude, are you okay?" you ask with alarm.

"it's not my blood," he growls, and keeps moving.

guy comes in from the same alleyway with a goofy smile, bleeding from a cut on his lip

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"I'm thinking about downloading Grindr." cool! here's a quick glossary and cultural crashcourse 

Grindr is a cruising medium. Its primary function is to find someone to hook up with this evening or even this hour. You are going to get unsolicited dickpics, likely even if you select "no NSFW pictures" in your profile.

That said, you can use it for conversation and for dating, but those are secondary functions.

"Looking" means looking for sex. The more immediate your timeframe, the more looking you are.

"Fun" means sex. "Play" means "have sex."

"Party" means "do drugs." capiTal Ts means Tina, as in "Kristina," as in "crystal meth."

"No hangups" usually means "no racial preferences."

"DL," or "down-low," means maintaining a public life as straight. "Discreet" is an adjacent term. Typically, DL or discreet men will not put face pics on their profiles and may refuse to send them privately as well.

"TS": transsexual
"TG": transgender
"TV": transvestite
"CD": cross-dresser

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everything I say is medical advice, legal counsel, professional psychotherapy, and religious guidance

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new introductions post! I apply some slurs directly to (my own) forehead 

it's me, Mads "Legend" Viande. I'm 27, and I'm a genderqueer trans woman, by which I mean I'm a tranny and a faggot simultaneously. I'm gay, by which I mean bi, by which I mean attracted to gay people. sometimes I talk about communism or gender and sexuality but there's really no telling what I'm on about.

I default to not responding to follow requests anymore. please don't take this personally, or any other time I'm prickly or distant, because I will just block and mute you if you get frantic at me and I don't even know you.

but! I will almost always explain anything I say on request, be it a joke or just confusingly phrased.

I know I talk like I'm some kinda academic but I have never read a book in my life, and barring a short list of gay history books or, like, three essays by trans women, I don't know what you can read to better understand what I'm talking about. just talk to me about it! that's how I learn

I used to get these pretty far apart but my last ocular migraine was like. a month ago?

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certainly there is a blind/scrambled spot in the vsivison of my right eye

siri, how to stop my monocle popping out every time I see a working class person do something uncouth

on the one hand, the romans were a warlike people, a slave society, and have served as an inspiration for European monsters for the past 2,000 years. on the other hand, they fed Christians to lions. so it's impossible to say if they're bad or not

I am slightly more credulous than your average cynic about people who are "clearly lying" on the Internet because I know for a specific fact that I have been that "clear liar" to people online before

and uhh. I really am this weird. a whole lot of weird shit will happen to you if you're mentally ill and outgoing enough

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11) for a short period in, I dunno, 2013-2014? I hooked up in the remote pitch-black parking lot of a local art center/historical site so consistently that I am fairly certain I am why the police started patrolling it. the car battery of my first semi-serious boyfriend around my own age died in this parking lot, and we had to get a cab to Walmart to pick up jumper cables and ask the cab driver to jumpstart our car, both of us absolutely covered in dark purple hickeys
12) I got caught crawling through the back window of a local bookstore onto its roof because my friend at the time had no depth perception and landed on the roof really loudly. I didn't return to that bookstore for years, after I'd transitioned.
13) my high school friends got inside a big abandoned corner building that used to have an ice cream place on the first floor, through an unlocked window at roof level, and looked out the storefront windows. to get there we had to jump onto a slick sloped roof across a 15-ft drop

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my song 'dry butthole' is testing very poorly amongst the wet buttholed

10) a Nazi Ásatrú* temple moved into my town and my friends and I organized a protest where we gathered across the street from this temple, waved signs, and yelled/pointed out this location/its Nazi symbols to passers-by. a gaggle of Nazis including one Proud Boy were there to boo us or try to muddle things, and I may have been the loudest/most recognizable person there (I forgot to black bloc — was in fact wearing a turquoise sundress and red cat ears).

anyway, the Nazis left this space in disgrace, and I later spotted the Proud Boy at my local coffeeshop while there with a friend who was midsentence when I spotted him, so instead of saying something right away I just glared at him. before I could confront him publically, he was already a full block down the street running away from me.

for being at this protest, I got free pizza from the local NY-style pizza place for a full year

* not a tautology, but it's close. you can tell the non-Nazi Ásatrú because they loudly hate Nazis

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grindr occupies a similar section of the imagination as the local DIY house but just for a slightly different demographic

7) in 2018-2019 I got to see mcmansionhell give a presentation at my alma mater and when I asked them their opinion of the newest, ugliest building on campus the entire architecture department burst into applause and cheering
8) the first time I went to this local bar alone there were a bunch of jarheads, one of whom clocked me and was trying to tell his friends he'd spotted a tran. I bitched him out and left the bar. people came out to support me, and then the jarheads came out, told me "I didn't hear what went down but sorry about our friend," and they all went to another bar because they got kicked out. anyway I got started talking about this bar with someone I reconnected with recently and they said "wait, I heard about this. that was you?"
9) at a party I got started on the many stupid Grindr display names I'd used pretransition, including "Peaches," and a very attractive enby at the party I'd talked to exactly once blurted out, "wait, you're Peaches?"

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shortlist of my wildest (unsad) anecdotes:
1) older guy named Robert "Bobby" E. Lee who got quietly fired from my church for dealing coke, later messaged me on Adam4Adam, and when I asked him about it, said "why, you looking for some"
2) a drunk man hassled me on the San Francisco subway and I expounded the contradictions of straight male identity in cruising spaces / evaded his attempts to be transphobic until he left to bother someone else more compliant
3) guy I made *** three times in five minutes who wouldn't **** me back and then texted me once every few months begging me for a repeat offense
4) the journalism award I won for dunking on my high school principal, winning his eternal personal enmity
5) the only time I was allowed to participate in gay chicken the guy cut and ran in seven seconds when I touched his chin
6) once in line at a Rocky Horror shadowcast, before I was on hormones, with my nips out I asked if anyone would let me borrow their lipstick to rouge said nips (no)

F-slur 

when I describe my sexuality as "bisexual faggot" this kind of thing is what I mean, by the way

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"kaikai" is a jokey slang term for drag queens hooking up in drag. anyway I think that if a very pretty fem gay-as-in-gay man who is also into sufficiently-handsome butch lesbians and a very handsome butch lesbian who is also into sufficiently-pretty fem gay men hook up, that should also be considered a "kaikai." I will not be explaining this one

I'm like screaming laughing at this 'BL' webtoon handwritten in English by someone using a Korean nom de plume where the kids attend a Japanese style school with A, B-class names and their class put on a maid café for the school festival and then they went to a karaoke bar for an afterparty where one of them starts singing... the Star Spangled Banner??? someone's like "why am I being roped into this, I'm Canadian" Where Is This Webcomic Set

frat bro on the karaoke mic: this one goes out to my main bro Adrian, love you homie [Like I'm Gonna Lose You feat. John Legend by Meghan Trainor starts playing]

when your lil bro at the frat announces he's going inactive and then both of you ugly cry at Karaoke Night when you sing I Can't Make You Love Me (If You Don't) 😭😭😭

I'm pretty sure you'd like... have to have questions right? I think you'd have to be pretty tight to not have any

"mixed company" means "one very well-behaved straight boy and a couple more recently-out gays"

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