[doing my opening argument at trial]

Members of the jury, I will not tell you who is on trial today -- and, in fact, you will never learn. What's more, I will not even tell you what they're on trial for. That would be inappropriate. However, I can tell you this: whoever they are, they're bad, and whatever they did, it was bad as well. With this knowledge and this knowledge only, I ask that you return a guilty verdict.

Thank you.

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