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If you are a member of a new wave of posters, I want to assure you that I will work hard to keep my content just as incomprehensible and alienating to you, the viewing public, as it is to my inner circle of mutuals. This is the Colophon Promise.

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Things people are saying about Colophon:

"It's too true, Colophon."
-- Sel

"Max fucker and max shagger energy is just who you are."
-- Julles

"If Colophon is Morgan, that means I'm Colophon."
-- esvrld

"Heretical, but interesting."
-- anonymous Illuminati satrap

I'm over here singing a "folk" song, I call it that because it's about how I'm dating one or more of your folks haha ps I forbid the playing of this song in France

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Folk songs are for talking about sticking lit dynamite into a Pinkerton's hot dog and blowing him up Wile E. Coyote style, not for pining about going to the Cannes film festival

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IT TRACKS THAT MY PHONE CORRECTS SIGMA TO SUGMA

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@Colophonscrawl I feel like this has told me so much more about these bands than any pitchfork review ever could

I will fight folk musicians, either out of respect or disrespect depends on the outcome of the fight. Utah Phillips could probably have fed me a knuckle sandwich and he would have written a song about taking a pickaxe to the junk as a hobo, thereby developing an immunity to pain. I would have respected that. On the other hand, if you write folk songs about France then I will fight you as a means of showing you complete disrespect.

I once insulted Beirut's folk chops so hard that he stopped a street performance of Nantes to try and kick my ass but I kicked some quirky object of his like, a marionette or something and he squealed "le spectacle!" even though he doesn't speak French I don't think, and then he burst into tears

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On that note, if you think I wouldn't give a wedgie to each and every member of The Decemberists you're dead wrong

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King of Carrot Flowers more like King of Carrot Fuckers. Yeah take that you transatlantic chump. That'll take you down a peg.

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Have I mentioned I don't like Neutral Milk Hotel? I don't.

Descartes' wicked demon and Maxwell's demon are involved in a closed quantum experiment measuring whether or not they are gay. If they kiss and light from that kiss passes through a double slit revealing that light is a particle, a hammer will smash a vial containing its own trolley problem in some way impacted by heat such that Maxwell's demon becomes relevant. If the light is a wave, then they are safe, but Maxwell's demon will be interviewed such that its experience kissing the wicked demon will no longer seem to have an ontologically consistent basis; this eventually would lead to Maxwell's demon becoming enlightened. In this scenario, is it ethical to disclose particle-wave duality beforehand knowing that it could cause them not to kiss, which may result in Maxwell's demon remaining in Samsara?

A trolley is careening down a set of tracks. The tracks are behind a blind at the center of a circular prison such that each prisoner knows they are potentially involved in a trolley problem without being able to confirm at any given time whether the trolley is aimed at them. In this case, would it then be ethical to lie if the trolley came to the door asking for information that could reveal the whereabouts of a prisoner, knowing the likely outcome?

You stand accused of authoritarianism. A shower was even found in your very home! How do you plead?

How are we as good Christians and proud countrymen to begin to list the many and pernicious vices produced by updog? Firstmost,

Oh you like Tame Impala? That's cool, I can work with that. Ah, here we are! [I proceed to put on Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats]

Men can be temptresses too if they want, but they have to really commit to the part. Femdomming as a guy is a fine art

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It says a lot that I, a trans person, really only hear about Buck Angel when he's done something violent towards trans women and amab nonbinary people. Our community loves to share stories about cool trans people who are well known or making waves but literally the only time I hear about Buck is when he's puking terf rhetoric onto a keyboard somewhere about the evil transes who aren't identical to him

Woah shocker, trutrans gatekeeper of The One True Transition blames bad things on people for whom gender and sexuality are not completely separate. In other news, the sun rose this morning, sparking heated debate among True Sun advocates as to whether this was an overly phallic move.

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