I take aim at the racist bird on the clothesline that's been waking me up all week by screaming slurs--I look down my barrel one last time, pull the trigger, suddenly the bird's legs become cartoonishly elongated and the bullet passes underneath them; I shoot again, higher this time, the bird's head sinks into its torso this time like a tortoise--the bullet sailing overhead.

Suddenly it takes flight, squawking with laughter and screeching "I WILL KICK YOUR ASS" as it flies away. They live another day...for now

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