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[Me, a pilot]: *smacking my metric altimeter* "show feet"

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I guess yuo could say my wife amd I have a "decentralized relationship".. .

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[Me, on OKCupid]: "hey ,cutie how long u lived in NY?"

[LadyLiberty69]: "I've been in the harbor since 1885..."

[Me]: "O cool, you've got really big feet lol, great for crushimg..."

[LadyLiberty]: *no response*

[Me, 2 days later]: "OH TOO GOOD TO REAPOND UR NOT EVEN HOT U BIG GREEN BITCJ UR COVERED IN PATINA!!"

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LIST OF THINGS I DON'T SUFFER GLADLY:
— fools
— jesters
— clowns
— jokesters

i'll add more when i think of them

Remember when America passed an invade the Hague act. Normal times

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Imposter Syndrome affects a lot of people I know. I believe it to be a bourgeois malady. The afflicted describe it as a feeling of inadequacy for the positions they have risen to in society. This condition might evaporate if we confronted that our achievements under Capitalism are in fact in NO way meritocratic, but are instead simply the results of opportunities afforded to us by our class.

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covid?? no no, I have brovid, it's the dudes rock equivalent, we shotgun a Pabst every time someone coughs up a piece of their lung

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popping a yankii squat but only so you could clearly see the definition of my balls thru my pants

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Bellingcat has worldwide satellite surveillance capacity. I wonder how they got that

It was related to CBD. But it doesn't work now that I think about it

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Thought of a new bofa I think. A little pedantic maybe though

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i guess machine learning researchers are complaining that machine generated content is throwing off their training corpus and i'm laughing my ass off

Just made the stairmaster my bitcj. Dilf glutes PHAT AS FUKC

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i first laid eyes on her at the rare stamp and coin convention of '96 but now she's trying to take my entire god damn collection in the divorce!! i think i'm having a quarter wife crisis

*me, a member of an olympic curling team* "....this is the storyyyyy of a cuuurlll--"

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slacking off is praxis. getting paid to sit on your phone and drink coffee is praxis.

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There is a better looking alpha male tban me in yhe apartment gym. But my body is bettwr and I have sigma emergy. He ismy foe.

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foe advice 

Thing I’ve noticed about foes is they love to leave valuable shiny items laying around in the open. If you see a shiny item, foes are prob nearby #foetip

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