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I guess yuo could say my wife amd I have a "decentralized relationship".. .

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[Me, on OKCupid]: "hey ,cutie how long u lived in NY?"

[LadyLiberty69]: "I've been in the harbor since 1885..."

[Me]: "O cool, you've got really big feet lol, great for crushimg..."

[LadyLiberty]: *no response*

[Me, 2 days later]: "OH TOO GOOD TO REAPOND UR NOT EVEN HOT U BIG GREEN BITCJ UR COVERED IN PATINA!!"

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Not big on the overpriced shit Fender is pushing out. But I do love the body shape and think I could customize one the way I want it

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"I'm onto you, fucko" I whisper into the inflatable michelin man's ear

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1% of the corporations (sperm banks) are hoarding 99% of the cum. Unaccwptable

One of the Michelin man's folds smells suspiciously like my wife, and he's visibly swaeting as I inspect hjm

it's still so funny to me that the first time I heard of the Michelin guide as a kid I assumed it had to do with the tire company, but then as I got a little bit older I was like "oh that's ridiculous obviously it's not the tire company" but then you get even older and learn, yeah it actually is made by the tire company

This image has caused significant psychological damage, and not-inconsiderable physical damage (I choked on my food when reading it)

hey remember when trump lost the election but still became president? remember when bush also lost and just had the result changed so he won? remember that? anyway vote blue or whatever, it definitely helps

uspol 

see, it just wouldn't be fair to the republicans to wrest from them the control their unelected presidents have attained over the unelected institution that has unilaterally given itself the ability to decide if you're allowed to live or not

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Yuo can actually vape through your b-hole. Completely safe

deniros character in Heat might be the most divorced man in all of cinematic history

hes the batman of my DCEU (Divorce Cinematic Extended Universe)

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